I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
