You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
