I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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