I feel like abortions should bother me more
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
