Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So many bounce houses so little time
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
