me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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