I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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