Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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