He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
