it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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