Kiss
Puke
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
