i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
