Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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