there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
