So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
