Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
