I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
