What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
