dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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