So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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