Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
