i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
