She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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