You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
