omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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