she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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