apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
