she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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