I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
