I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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