FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
