Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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