No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
