I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
