my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
