After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I made him laugh his dick is mine
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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