I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
