I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
