my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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