I need help removing her.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
