Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
