did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
