I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
