I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
