you guys were way drunker than both of me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
