I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
