dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
