oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
