At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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