Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
