I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
