Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
