would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
