You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
