Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
