sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Acid is not a monday night drug
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
