I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
two words...techno handjob
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
