I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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