After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
