I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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