So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
